Call Me By Your Name, a critically acclaimed film by Luca Guadagnino, transports audiences to the sun-drenched Italian countryside of 1983, immersing them in a vibrant narrative of first love and self-discovery.
At its heart lies the Perlman family, an extraordinary household whose intellectual and emotional openness sets the stage for a transformative summer.
While the poignant romance between young Elio Perlman and the older American scholar Oliver often takes center stage, the character of Samuel Perlman, Elio's father, emerges as a profound figure of wisdom, empathy, and unconditional acceptance. His nuanced portrayal sparks ongoing discussions among viewers, particularly regarding his own understanding of desire and his role in guiding Elio through the complexities of his burgeoning identity.
This exploration delves into Samuel's character, his actions, and the lasting impact of his presence on the film's enduring themes.
The Perlman household: an intellectual and emotional sanctuary
The Perlman family is far from ordinary, embodying an almost idyllic intellectualism that shapes their unique environment.
Samuel, the patriarch, is a distinguished university professor specializing in Greco-Roman antiquity, his mind a vast repository of classical knowledge. His wife, Annella, complements him with her multilingual prowess, effortlessly navigating various languages as a skilled translator.
Even their son, Elio, though still young, displays an astonishing gift for music, playing the piano with the virtuosity of a seasoned professional without apparent need for practice. This cultured world is further enriched by the presence of Oliver, a post-doctoral student from America, who arrives to assist Samuel with his research on Heraclitus and Heidegger.
What truly distinguishes the Perlmans is not merely their impressive range of scholarly and artistic achievements, but the seemingly innate ease with which they command them.
Their intellectual pursuits and linguistic fluency appear as second nature, devoid of any discernible struggle or forced acquisition. This natural integration of high culture fosters an atmosphere of effortless erudition and broad-mindedness. For instance, Annella can translate a complex tale on sight, even in dim light, purely for the enjoyment of her family.
Young Elio, too, shifts between languages with casual grace, showcasing his linguistic dexterity alongside his musical genius. Samuel's scholarship glides seamlessly across classical archaeology, art history, philosophy, and philology, often yielding unexpected insights, like his latest archaeological find simply floating to the surface of a nearby lake.
Within this aesthetic state, however, nothing is pursued for beauty alone.
Every intellectual endeavor, every shared story, carries a deeper resonance, often serving as a catalyst for emotional or relational development. The narrative from Marguerite de Navarre, read aloud by Annella, for example, subtly encourages Elio to articulate his feelings.
It becomes a significant moment, as Elio only needs to hint at its tongue-tied hero for Oliver, equally familiar with the story, to grasp the unspoken implication, propelling their burgeoning conversation forward. This carefully curated environment, rich in intellectual stimulation and emotional subtext, provides the perfect fertile ground for Elio's journey of self-discovery and the delicate unfolding of his relationship with Oliver.
Samuel Perlman's subtle guidance and profound wisdom
Throughout the film, Samuel Perlman demonstrates a remarkable capacity for observation and a subtle, yet powerful, style of paternal guidance.
Far from being an overbearing figure, he acts as a quiet facilitator, creating an environment where Elio feels safe to explore his emotions and desires, even those that might be considered unconventional. His approach is characterized by an implicit understanding and an understated encouragement that ultimately proves pivotal for his son.
One of the earliest indicators of Samuel's perceptive nature comes through his intellectual discussions.
His insights into Greco-Roman antiquity often carry metaphorical weight for the unfolding romance. For example, his admiration for ancient bronzes, particularly those depicting figures of desire, is not merely academic. He praises the bold expression of human longing and beauty captured in these works, subtly emboldening Oliver and, by extension, Elio, to recognize and embrace their own desires without shame.
This intellectual framing elevates their budding attraction beyond mere physical inclination, anchoring it within a rich historical and cultural tradition.
Samuel's support extends beyond philosophical discourse into tangible actions. When he and Annella arrange an unchaperoned sleepover for Elio and Oliver in Bergamo, it is a clear testament to their trust and a deliberate step in facilitating the young men's time together.
This act suggests a profound parental intuition and a willingness to provide space for their relationship to evolve naturally, away from the immediate scrutiny of the villa.
Another poignant instance of Samuel's indirect guidance occurs when Elio attempts to make Oliver jealous by announcing he almost had sex with Marzia.
Samuel's response, a calm and non-judgmental, "why didn't you?", speaks volumes. He doesn't question Elio's feelings for Marzia but rather gently prods at the underlying emotional truth.
This subtle probing indicates his awareness of Elio's deeper motivations, implicitly understanding that Elio's actions are primarily aimed at eliciting a reaction from Oliver. His neutrality offers Elio a safe space to be honest, rather than defensive.
Similarly, the scene where Samuel includes Elio in their aquatic excavation expedition that day underscores his comfort with, and willingness to facilitate, Elio's romantic explorations.
By allowing Elio to participate in this shared intellectual endeavor, Samuel demonstrates an openness that extends beyond academic pursuits to encompass the emotional landscape of his son's life. He implicitly communicates that all aspects of Elio's experience, including love and romance, are welcome and understood within the family unit.
The familial dynamic around literature further illuminates Samuel's astute nature.
When Annella reads from a German translation of an early modern French romance, the story culminates with a knight questioning his princess: "is it better to speak or to die?" This narrative resonates deeply with Elio's unspoken feelings for Oliver. Samuel, attuned to the subtext, responds with encouragement, reassuring Elio that he can always share what is happening in his life.
This direct parental support immediately precedes Elio and Oliver's bike ride into town, during which Elio finally articulates his feelings for Oliver. This sequence powerfully illustrates the direct link between Samuel's affirmation and Elio's newfound confidence to explore his feelings, highlighting the critical role a supportive father plays in a young person's emotional development.
The nuanced portrayal of acceptance and societal norms
The film navigates the complexities of burgeoning queer love within a traditional setting, where societal norms might often necessitate secrecy.
While Elio and Oliver's attraction becomes increasingly evident to the audience, they largely conceal it from others in their lives. However, throughout the narrative, both of Elio's parents subtly hint at their awareness of the two men's mutual attraction, creating an atmosphere of implicit understanding rather than overt confrontation.
A particularly insightful scene that underscores Samuel's commitment to genuine acceptance unfolds during a dinner party.
Elio, in a moment of youthful impetuousness and perhaps insecurity, insults two guests—an older male couple—behind their backs, purely because of their apparent homosexuality. Later, in a private conversation, his father gently but firmly scolds him. Samuel critiques Elio not only for his intolerance but also for the hypocrisy of appearing friendly to their faces while harboring contempt behind their backs.
This interaction perfectly encapsulates one of the film's central themes: that true love and acceptance extend beyond mere outward politeness to encompass an internalized support for an individual's entire being. Samuel communicates to Elio that his love for him is not just a superficial show but a deep reflection of his personal acceptance and support for him, regardless of whom Elio might become or love.
This display of unconditional regard empowers Elio, reinforcing his confidence and sense of self-worth.
However, the film's portrayal of intimacy, particularly gay sex, has also been a subject of critical discussion. Some interpretations suggest that the film employs a "beautification campaign" around queer intimacy, sanitizing or idealizing it to the point where its raw reality might be overlooked.
This perspective argues that while the film celebrates the emotional depth of Elio and Oliver's bond, it deliberately shies away from explicit sexual depictions, perhaps to achieve a broader sense of "universality" or to avoid confronting certain "negative" aspects of physical intimacy, particularly concerning the "via rettale" (rectal route) as mentioned in some critiques.
This avoidance, it is argued, might dilute the radical nature of same-sex desire, turning it into a more palatable, sentimentalized experience.
Director Luca Guadagnino has offered his own rationales for this artistic choice, emphasizing the importance of creating a powerful universality.
He has stated that the core idea of the movie is how another person can enlighten, elevate, and make one feel beautiful. He also highlighted the theme of "welcoming the other" as a vital concept, especially in contemporary society. Yet, some critics question the coherence of this "sanctimony," asking who is truly welcoming whom and if these "welcomes" are indeed of the same kind.
They suggest that such a beautification campaign might inadvertently obscure the authentic, sometimes challenging, realities of queer intimacy, leaving its full expression to the "pornographic imagination" rather than presenting it within the film itself. This critical lens suggests that while the film masterfully captures emotional ecstasy, it might not fully embrace the physical dimensions of same-sex love in a way that truly confirms its humanity in all its forms.
The "speak or die" monologue: samuel's profound empathy
The pinnacle of Samuel Perlman's profound character arrives in his now-iconic monologue to Elio after Oliver has left.
Heartbroken and adrift, Elio is at his most vulnerable, grappling with the agony of first love and loss. In this moment, Samuel delivers a speech that transcends the specifics of Elio's situation, offering a universal message about embracing pain, joy, and the entirety of human experience.
Samuel advises Elio not to "snuff out your joy," nor to numb his feelings.
He encourages him to feel everything, including the profound sadness he is experiencing, because to do otherwise would be to "rip out so much of ourselves." He speaks of the human tendency to "heal ourselves at such a pace that we're bankrupt by the age of thirty," leaving us with "less and less to offer each time we start with someone new." This powerful counsel is rooted in a deep understanding of human psychology and the long-term cost of emotional suppression.
It is a plea to Elio to live fully, to embrace his authentic self, and to cherish the intensity of his experience, no matter how painful.
This monologue is widely interpreted as a moment where Samuel speaks not just as a father, but as someone who understands the complexities of desire and perhaps, unfulfilled aspects of his own life.
His words—"i had a father who was very formal, very proper... we never talked about these things"—hint at a personal history of emotional reticence, suggesting that he, too, may have had desires or experiences he was unable to fully express or explore. He reflects on how one comes to accept the self one has chosen, and how the "body and desire just follow." This statement, coupled with his earlier observation about how "nature has a cunning way of finding our weakest spot," fuels the debate about his own sexuality.
Is Samuel Perlman implicitly revealing that he, too, might have harbored queer desires he never acted upon, or that he understands the profound, often hidden, nature of same-sex attraction from a personal vantage point?
The beauty of this scene lies in its ambiguity.
Samuel doesn't explicitly declare his own sexuality, nor does he need to. Instead, his words convey an extraordinary depth of empathy and an unconditional acceptance that suggests a personal understanding of what it means to experience deep, perhaps unconventional, desire.
He doesn't just tolerate Elio's love for Oliver; he affirms it, validates it, and encourages Elio to cherish it as a vital part of his own identity. This makes him an almost idealized father figure for a queer child, providing exactly the kind of unwavering support and wisdom that can be life-changing.
Annella's silent support and the complete parental picture
While Samuel's monologue receives significant attention, Annella Perlman also plays a crucial, albeit more subtle, role in fostering an accepting environment for Elio.
Her actions throughout the film, such as her choice of the Marguerite de Navarre story, demonstrate a keen awareness of Elio's emotional landscape. Her knowing glances and gentle presence contribute to the overarching sense that both parents are not only aware of Elio and Oliver's relationship but are actively, if quietly, supportive.
Together, they form a united front of love and understanding, creating a home where Elio can truly be himself.
Conclusion: the enduring legacy of samuel perlman
Samuel Perlman stands as one of the most memorable and impactful characters in recent cinema. His role in Call Me By Your Name extends far beyond merely being Elio's father; he embodies a profound wisdom, an unparalleled empathy, and an unwavering commitment to unconditional acceptance.
Through his subtle guidance, his intellectual insights, and his powerful final monologue, he provides Elio with the foundational support needed to navigate the complexities of first love, heartbreak, and self-discovery.
The question of "was Elio's dad gay?" continues to be a rich point of discussion, not because the film definitively answers it, but because Samuel's words resonate with such a deep, personal understanding of desire, longing, and the courage it takes to live authentically.
Whether he speaks from a place of unfulfilled queer desires of his own, or simply from a universal wellspring of human empathy and wisdom, his message is clear: embrace your joy, feel your pain, and never rip out the parts of yourself that make you whole. Samuel Perlman's character enriches Call Me By Your Name, offering a timeless portrayal of ideal parenthood and a powerful testament to the transformative power of acceptance in shaping a young person's journey toward their true self.