embarking on the journey of building a family through surrogacy as a single gay man involves a series of crucial steps, beginning with selecting the right fertility clinic. understanding a clinic's annual surrogacy cycle volume provides insight into their experience and capacity.
it's essential to foster a comfortable and trusting relationship with the practice and its practitioners, prioritizing clear and efficient communication. assessing the clinic's flexibility in scheduling and their commitment to the LGBTQ+ community is paramount. many clinics actively treat same-sex couples and are dedicated to supporting non-traditional family growth, so don't hesitate to inquire about their specific protocols and inclusive practices.
your initial consultation is a vital opportunity to address all your questions and gauge the clinic's responsiveness to your concerns, as well as their demonstrated competence.
following this, you'll likely undergo diagnostic testing or fertility assessments. the surrogacy process largely involves supporting your egg donor and surrogate, but the initial phase focuses on ensuring your own reproductive materials are viable for creating a healthy baby. a semen analysis is a standard requirement, evaluating factors such as sperm concentration, motility (the percentage of actively moving sperm), morphology (sperm shape), and volume.
both you and your partner will undergo testing. your doctor may suggest lifestyle modifications or supplements to optimize your reproductive health, or you might be referred to a urologist. remember, your overall health significantly impacts reproductive well-being, and even short-term positive changes can yield beneficial results.
navigating the egg donor selection process
selecting an egg donor can be compared to online dating, where you review profiles, baby photos, and donor-created videos to identify traits you value and hope to pass on.
your clinic might offer a database of pre-screened donors, or you can explore independent donor agencies and databases. beyond physical attributes, consider factors like family history, hobbies, and personality traits that could contribute to your future child's understanding of their origins.
your child may one day wish to know about the woman who contributed half of their genetic makeup. you'll typically consider two types of donor arrangements: a known donor or an anonymous donor. some donors are open to communication before matching, often through video conferences, allowing you to ask questions your future child might have or to gather important medical history.
in other instances, a friend or family member might serve as your egg donor, with all parties undergoing thorough screening and counseling to ensure a clear understanding of the process and implications.
donor experience and a proven track record can be important considerations, aiming to maximize the chances of successful embryo creation.
a proven donor has previously donated eggs. all egg donors are required to provide a complete medical background and undergo comprehensive testing. for intended fathers who both wish to be genetically related to the child, a donor's history is particularly relevant due to the natural attrition rate during the in vitro fertilization (IVF) process.
your fertility clinic will guide you through the donor selection and screening, a process that can take up to three months. once an egg donor is selected, the next step is an IVF cycle, with the retrieved eggs being assessed for quality and maturity. on the day of egg retrieval, sperm from one or both intended fathers is combined with mature eggs in the laboratory to create embryos.
understanding embryo testing and transfer
at this stage, you have the option to perform genetic testing on the embryos before transfer, known as preimplantation genetic testing for aneuploidy (PGT-A).
this test confirms chromosomal normality and can identify specific abnormalities like Down syndrome. while IVF doesn't guarantee success or a specific number of high-grade embryos, PGT-A can enhance the likelihood of a viable pregnancy, potentially saving time and costs associated with multiple embryo transfers.
this genetic testing can also reveal the baby's gender if you choose to know. embryos are cultured in the lab for three to five days. you can then opt for a fresh embryo transfer to your surrogate or cryopreserve the embryos for future transfers. cryopreservation, or freezing embryos, has success rates comparable to fresh transfers and can facilitate coordination between your clinic and surrogate, providing more time for surrogate matching and preparation.
you can be present during the embryo transfer if you and your surrogate agree.
the procedure is quick and painless, often guided by ultrasound, allowing you to observe the process.
the waiting period for pregnancy detection is typically around nine days, a period of anticipation shared by all intended parents at the clinic. following the transfer, your reproductive endocrinologist will monitor your gestational carrier, usually through her local clinic, until approximately 10 weeks of pregnancy.
a full-term pregnancy averages around 40 weeks, though childbirth rarely occurs precisely on schedule. pregnancy requires significant physical energy, comparable to running a marathon.
the role of surrogacy agencies and legalities
while it's possible to navigate surrogacy with legal counsel alone, many fertility clinics strongly recommend working with a surrogacy agency.
agencies provide comprehensive coordination of the surrogacy process, managing both emotional and legal aspects from initial matching through pregnancy and birth. they offer matching services to ensure a suitable partnership between you and your surrogate, fostering the relationship throughout the journey.
rigorous screening processes assess the emotional and physical readiness of all parties involved. agencies also coordinate services and information with your fertility clinic and can provide counseling support. essential legal documentation may include pre-birth orders, voluntary acknowledgements of parenthood, custody orders, and second-parent adoptions.
surrogacy agencies can be categorized as full-service or smaller operations.
full-service agencies often employ in-house legal staff and handle all administrative tasks, potentially leading to faster matching due to larger surrogate pools and more staff. however, this often comes at a higher cost. smaller agencies may offer a more personalized, one-on-one experience and are typically less expensive, often run by individuals with personal surrogacy experience or social workers.
it's important to note if agencies outsource their legal work, as this can impact overall costs.
finding and working with your surrogate
selecting a surrogate is a deeply personal decision, extending beyond just finding a healthy uterus.
this individual is responsible for the gestational well-being of your child. establishing solid communication, mutual trust, and agreement on key decisions regarding the baby is crucial for your peace of mind. some intended parents find a friend or relative to act as their gestational carrier, offering the benefit of an existing relationship.
however, to mitigate potential strain on personal relationships, many opt for a neutral party. agencies facilitate connections between intended parents and screened surrogates, managing the intricate details of the relationship. ideally, a surrogate should be a healthy woman between 21 and 45 years old.
thorough screening by an agency will assess her overall health, reproductive health, and mental/emotional well-being. strict guidelines regarding substance use are in place, and surrogates must abstain from smoking and alcohol during specific periods. a strong personal support system for the surrogate is also beneficial.
consider the type of relationship you envision with your surrogate.
establish clear boundaries regarding involvement and decision-making. discuss preferences for diet during pregnancy, especially if you have cultural or religious dietary requirements, while acknowledging that your surrogate will receive professional medical and nutritional advice.
clarify arrangements for attending ultrasounds and the birth, as well as plans for initial contact with your baby. also, contemplate the post-birth relationship. you might consider arrangements for receiving pumped breast milk, particularly colostrum, which is rich in antibodies.
many intended parents maintain some level of contact with their gestational carriers post-birth due to the intimate nature of the process and the bond formed.
open communication about desired contact levels is key.
addressing difficult conversations and financial planning
the most challenging discussions often revolve around worst-case scenarios. these might include decisions about invasive procedures like amniocentesis to screen for genetic conditions.
you'll need to decide whether to continue or terminate a pregnancy if a severe condition is detected, or if multiples are conceived, whether to consider selective reduction to optimize the chances of a healthy birth. your agency's social workers are trained to facilitate these discussions, which will be incorporated into your surrogacy contract.
clearly defining your desired surrogate relationship can expedite the matching process, though highly specific requirements may extend the timeline.
surrogacy costs can be a significant financial undertaking. thorough financial planning and honest assessment of your budget are essential.
explore available grants and financial resources specifically for same-sex couples pursuing IVF. some employers offer benefits for same-sex partners, and companies like Progyny provide reproductive assistive technology as an insurance add-on. while insurance may cover diagnostic testing for you and your partner, IVF itself may not be covered, making financial preparation crucial.
real-life surrogacy journeys
one individual's journey involved a partner in a different location, with plans put on hold due to the pandemic.
initial outreach was made to Surrogacy UK for surrogate connections through events, leading to networking with other parents and potential surrogates. later, joining My Surrogacy Journey (MSJ) offered a more structured matching process. the distinction between gestational surrogacy (where the surrogate is not genetically related to the baby) and traditional surrogacy (where the surrogate uses her own eggs) is important.
a personal fertility check revealed cystic fibrosis carrier status, leading to the decision to use donor eggs from a screened egg bank.
a social media connection led to discussions with a surrogate, and reviewing 30 egg donor profiles in a week resulted in finding a suitable candidate with a positive outlook, family life, and education. the donor's willingness to meet any future offspring was a deciding factor.
in the uk, egg donation is not paid for, but donors can receive compensation for expenses. donor-conceived individuals have the legal right to access donor information at age 18.
a significant purchase of 10 eggs was made, with a high survival rate during thawing and fertilization.
the overall cost for this package, including ICSI (intracytoplasmic sperm injection) and eggs, was approximately £15,000. surrogacy payment is illegal in the uk, with surrogates only being reimbursed for reasonable expenses. like a previous hair transplant experience, the decision was made to undertake the process domestically.
an inheritance received years prior was allocated towards surrogacy expenses. with MSJ, the matching process can take up to 18 months, with an anticipated match within the next six months.